


Burn Me

by lightnnight



Series: Make Me Feel [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Abusive Parents, Chances, Cheating, JaeYong - Freeform, M/M, Trust Issues, Unrequited, a bunch of stupidity, brothers marktae, i mean where one is obv an asshole and the other is head over heels for them and it hurts, kinda annoying, major character incident, one where you wish the dumb one would give up because yk, slowburn, the trope where one is so hard to please, third party
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:15:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22419115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightnnight/pseuds/lightnnight
Summary: AU wherein Lee Taeyong had always loved Jung Jaehyun, but the latter just couldn’t give a fuck.❝I’m tired,❞ Taeyong mumbled, his eyes void and exhausted.❝Then go. Get lost.❞For the first time, Taeyong had the courage to turn his back on him.
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Kim Jungwoo, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong, Kim Jungwoo/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas, Lee Taeyong/Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten
Series: Make Me Feel [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1613398
Comments: 21
Kudos: 102





	1. Summary

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! If you have seen this on twitter, then you’re a god lol but this is the revised version! Since I posted it here, I’m sure to finish it as well. There are huge revisions going on, so I advise to forget what y’all have read before. Anyways, enjoy fellas. It’s gonna be a long ass ride from here.

_Jung Jaehyun._

Just the thought of him and Lee Taeyong can’t wipe the smile off of his face. 

The kitchen smells of freshly cooked bacon and eggs—a homemade breakfast that Taeyong has intended to give Jaehyun. The younger one must’ve missed the west, and it’s the least Taeyong can do for him. Within his hands is another lunchbox filled with bibimbap and accompanied by sundry of fruits and vegetables. 

Taeyong smiles to himself once more as he carefully settles the lunchbox down the table.

_Perhaps this time, he’ll eat it._

It’s become Taeyong’s routine: waking up earlier than he should and preparing breakfast for his husband who rarely even eats at home (and will rather go to work empty-stomach). It’s neither due to the lack of time or the lack of appetite. Taeyong knows that: Jaehyun just wants to spend less time with him. 

But still, Taeyong never loses hope. 

He promises himself that he will keep doing it. Everyday, he’ll still cook for him. Talk him to taking a bite at the least. Persuade him. Sometimes, even beg him. 

_Good god, who needs to beg someone just to eat?_

Incoming footsteps have become audible to Taeyong. He hurriedly takes off his apron, waiting for Jaehyun to show up in front of him. Maybe this morning will be a great morning; Jaehyun will appear, will sit down, will taste his cook, will finally smile at Taeyong, maybe will even invite him to eat together, then he will say goodbye—a peck on the lips and sweet, meaningful “thank you’s” and “I love you’s.” 

“Yeah? I have an hour for breakfast. Yeah, I’ll meet you in ten,” Jaehyun whispers to his phone, thought he doesn’t need to anymore. Taeyong has heard it. He’s always had.

The smile that he has been keeping slowly faded; the hopes and wishes gone in a second. 

_Seems like today is not the day, after all._

“Hey, Jae,” Taeyong greets, forcing a smile and trying to keep himself from breaking down in front of his beau. 

This isn’t the first time something like this has happened. He should be used to it by now. He’s seen worse, heard worse. 

_But how come it always hurts like the first time?_

Jaehyun stares down at the food on the table, his mouth is tight, his eyes telling Taeyong that his efforts are worthless. Futile. He turns around, his fingers typing on his phone—the only time Jaehyun’s lips will curl up. And Taeyong knows just why.

“I’ll be home late. Don’t wait for me.”

Jaehyun walks out without looking back—without regrets—turning blind to the tear trickling down Taeyong’s tainted cheek.

• • •  
_Text Message_  
TY: hey, can you come?  
Ten: will be there in a bit.  
TY: thank you, ten.  
Ten: are you okay?  
did he do something again?  
tae?  
tae, you’re crying, aren’t you?  
TY: i’m okay. just… usual. i’m used to it, remember?  
i’m  
not crying.  
Ten: ok.  
vanilla or chocolate?  
TY: anything.

•••

Ten has arrived sooner than expected the moment he’s received Taeyong’s message. 

The older one has lied to him—perhaps a white lie, but Ten knows better. Ten know something all about it, the way Taeyong will cry every day and every night, and no matter how much Taeyong denies that he isn’t, Ten knows. 

Taeyong runs into his arms, sobbing; his face already crimson red, his hands trembling and the pain in his head doesn’t help either. Ten sighs before patting Taeyong’s back gently to console the latter. 

“Hey, hey, you’re okay, Yongie. I’m here, I’m here,” Ten utters repeatedly as he guides both of them onto the nearest sofa. 

Taeyong’s cries grow louder, and Ten can feel his heart breaking apart at the sight. Taeyong’s a mess. Taeyong’s all sort of fucked up, and the fact that he’s still staying by Jaehyun is beyond Ten. He has always known of the toxic relationship between his friend and his husband, and no matter how much Ten tries to convince Taeyong to just leave him, Taeyong won’t budge.

So here he is—comforting Taeyong per usual. Fortunate enough that Ten’s work begins later, which means that the hours he can spend sleeping, he can use to accompany Taeyong. It’s never a bother to Ten, really. He’s always enjoyed being with Taeyong, has never really cared that he’s been getting less sleep ever since the older’s relationship has started wiltering; and even during at nights when Taeyong will be waiting for Jaehyun to come home and Ten will call him, will comfort Taeyong who’s been crying and worrying that his husband will permanently leave his life,

 _The things I do for you,_ Ten can only think. 

“Why do you even stay when you’re hurting like this?” Ten asks, his voice low and heavy. 

It isn’t like Ten doesn’t know why. It’s ironic—for Ten to be asking such—when Ten is basically Taeyong’s reflection: someone who lovse the chase, who’d rather be dumb and stay by someone who has been hurting them deeply. The only difference is that Taeyong’s pain is intentional. While Ten’s—Ten’s pain is still bearable enough, and not anyone’s fault but his.

“He’s the only one I have.” 

“And what about me, Taeyong? What about your family? Your brother? What about us?” 

“But he’s the only one I want. The only one I need.”

Ten only needs to hear that part. He shuts his eyes closed; they’re burning, stinging, and they hurt. They hurt. His heart hurts, too. His head is clouded, and he wants to leave. But he can’t.

He can’t just go.

He can’t just leave Taeyong like that.

He loves Taeyong. 

And just like Taeyong, he will do anything for the one he loves.

• • •

_“Will you love me?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“Forever?”_

_“And ever. It’s a promise, Taeyong.”_

_It’s a promise._  
…

Taeyong awakes from his slumber, hefty lids almost pulling him back to that distant memory. A pair of slender arms are wrapped around him with the rhythmical heaving of someone’s chest against his back. 

_Ten’s._

A sigh escapes his dried lips. Though lacking of malice, Taeyong can’t help but to feel guilty. It isn’t like he’s been sleeping with Ten in that way. It isn’t like he’s doing what Jaehyun’s probably doing. 

His chest weighs too heavy once more.

His eyes wander off, searching for his phone which he finds laying carelessly on the side table. His eyes widened; there are ten missed calls from Jaehyun with a few messages, too. His gut twists, his heart hammering. He nudges Ten, even though he doesn’t want to wake him up, he has to. Ten has work to go to, anyway. 

“I’ll be back,” Taeyong excuses himself.

Taeyong stops at the balcony, dialing his husband’s number, fingers lightly shaking as they move in patterns Taeyong has long accustomed himself to. Two more redials till Jaehyun picks it up. 

“Hello,” Taeyong utters.

“Can you answer much earlier? Goodness. You know I hate waiting.”

Taeyong remembers the times Jaehyun would pick him up from class. They were in college. Jaehyun would end his classes an hour earlier than Taeyong, but he didn’t mind waiting for the older guy. But things had changed. Jaehyun had lost his patience with Taeyong.

“I’m sorry. I fell asleep.”

“Whatever. Just letting you know that I won’t be home—”

Jaehyun’s voice was masked by Ten’s, who peeked through the glass doors. “Yongie, I gotta go. Text me or call me if you need anything!”

Taeyong smiles and waves him goodbye. The doorknob clicks before the revving of Ten’s car engine echoes through the empty streets of their neighborhood.

Taeyong is alone again.

“Lee Taeyong.”

Taeyong’s trail of thoughts is cut off by the voice from the phone. 

“I’m sorry. What was it?”

“Who was that?”

“Who?”

“The guy you’re with, Taeyong. Are you cheating on me?”

Taeyong’s chest heavies. He doesn’t notice the way his fist clenches around his phone as Jaehyun accuses him of things he’s never done, will never do, and will never even consider thinking about. Swallowing the lump in his throat and blinking away the tears budding in his eyes, he sighs.

“No, I’m not,” Taeyong’s voice cracks, his strength almost gone.

“Then who was it?”

“It was just Ten.”

“Ten, huh? What’s that asshole doing at my house?” 

There is the spike in Jaehyun’s voice that causes Taeyong’s head to pound against his ears. He remains silent.

“Taeyong, answer me,” Jaehyun demands, and Taeyong wants to fight back. To yell at Jaehyun. To scream at Jaehyun, but he can’t. He’s slowly deteriorating, and fighting Jaehyun might just kill him then.

“Called him to eat breakfast with.” There’s ice in his voice, and Taeyong knows he’s pushing the other to his edge. 

“Lee Taeyong.”

“We didn’t do anything else. He just came by, that’s it.”

There is silence on the other line. 

“I won’t be home tonight.”

And the line is cut.


	2. Soon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The walls are taller now—stronger even—and Taeyong isn’t so sure anymore to whom they belong.

Ten sprawls across his studio floors, beads of sweat dripping all over his body as he gasps for air. An arm against his forehead, Ten remembers his convo with Taeyong through text.

Ten: Are you feeling better?  
TY: No. He’s not coming home tonight.  
Ten: Yong, this is not healthy.  
TY: I know.  
Ten: You deserve better.  
TY: I know.  
Ten: Then why?  
_(Why must you stay when you know it’s destroying you?)_  
TY: Because I love him. I love him, Ten. How many times do I have to tell you? I loved him. I love him. And I will always love him.  
Ten: Does he?  
TY: This is just a phase… He does. I think… But this is part of marriage, isn’t it? He’ll be back soon.  
Ten: And if he doesn’t?  
TY: Then I’ll love him still.

_I’ll love him still, every bit of him, I will love him as much as I love him right now._

Ten hears the words Taeyong didn’t need to say. Ten knows as much as Taeyong knows, and he hurts as much as Teyong hurts. Ten shuts his eyes closed and tight. Tears trickle down his cheeks, yet Ten doesn’t bother to wipe them off. He wants to pour his heart out, to cry as much as he can. Because he knows that if he doesn’t, he won’t have the courage to face Taeyong. He won’t have the courage to tell Taeyong that it will be fine. 

And so Ten cries, as much as he can, all words he wants to tell Taeyong drowning in his tears. And he cries as much as he loves. 

He cries for the one he loves.

_“Do you trust me, Yongie?”_

_A nod._

_Teardrops running down._

_His thumb against against his numbing cheek._

_“Then listen. You have me. When the world turns its back on you, you have me. So come home, Taeyong…”_

_Come home, Jaehyun._

The bright beam of sunrays against his olive skin arouses Taeyong to stir in his sleep. It is a beautiful dream, perhaps. Melancholically beautiful. Yet Taeyong can only recall pieces of it, bit by bit, some faded and gone, some uncertain—whether they’re actually a part of the past or just another made up memories to make up for the present. 

Heavy lids lay flat against the whites of his eyes, dark crimson circles hinting the blues of yesterday’s restless night. Arms clutch around the warmed pillow; cheek presses against the soft sheets that Taeyong wishes is someone’s chest. Staying still in the same position for a few minutes, Taeyong has almost missed the rushing sound of the water in the room across their bed.

He must be home.

The door opens, revealing a freshly bathed Jaehyun, his hair dripping wet with his towel wrapped around his waist. Taeyong peeks but doesn’t move. Eyes now vaguely open, observing keenly, along with ears that seem to catch even the slightest of sound.

The rustling sound of his hair rubbing against the towel.

The faint scent of his favorite shampoo mixed with natural aroma of his skin.

The shuffling of the drawer, the light breathing, the muffled radio song.

Then the footsteps toward Taeyong.

Taeyong freezes, but he recovers fast enough to even his breathing before the weight of the bed shifts by him. They stay like that for a while. Just Jaehyun sitting by Taeyong, watching him, observing him. Taeyong feels the urge to open his eyes, to check on Jaehyun, to see if he’s fine after not coming home. He wants to touch the younger, to tell him how much he has missed him, to let him know how long he has been waiting. But he can’t.

The walls are taller now—stronger even—and Taeyong isn’t so sure anymore to whom they belong. 

•••

Taeyong must have fallen deep into his sleep again as he wakes up alone in their bed, hand carefully searching for his phone on the side table by him. Blue light painfully meets his sight. He squints as his eyes glide through the notifications.

2 missed calls from Ten.  
4 messages from Ten.  
Several notifications from his colleagues.

But nothing from the man he’s been yearning for.

_Surprising._

Another notification pops up, and Taeyong hurriedly opens it.

Email from Ms. Bae:

Taeyong, would you like to join us for tomorrow’s session? The kids have been asking for you!

Teacher Joohyun

Taeyong smiles to himself, quickly typing a response: Sure thing. I’ll be there tomorrow!

If he’s not idling alone in the house, Taeyong would either be in Ten’s dance studio or the daycare center where he volunteers for free. Taeyong’s heart skips a beat as a silhouette of a young kid appears in his mind. He shakes his head, throat suddenly dry, chest tightening as waves of nostalgia and longing washes over him.

Taeyong calls Jaehyun.

“Hyunnie?” Taeyong the moment the line connects.

There is shuffling in the background before the baritone voice answers, “what?”

Taeyong fiddles with his wedding ring, voice still wavering as he gathers the courage to ask Jaehyun where he is.

“Office.”

“Will you be home tonight?”

“I don’t know.”

“Tomorrow?”

“No.”

“Jae—”

Exasperation masks the sigh Jaehyun lets out. “I’m busy, Taeyong. Just text me or whatever. I gotta go.”

And the line is cut once again. 

Taeyong stares at the golden band around his finger, its shine seems to be gradually waning, and Taeyong can’t do anything about it. He bites his lip as an attempt to stop the tears that keep threatening to fall. 

Taeyong wonders if Jaehyun even remembers that their anniversary is coming soon.


	3. Slowly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so Taeyong finds himself calling someone else. He closes his eyes as he realizes… that he has already accepted the idea Jaehyun has no longer any time for him.

_“What was this? You failed your test?”  
I’m sorry for disappointing you again, father. _

_“Yes, father.”_

_“Don’t you dare call me father!”  
Am I really not worth to be your son? _

_“I’m sorry, sir, but I did try my best.”  
I’d do better next time._

_“Best? So that was your best huh? You really are fucking useless!”  
I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being born weak and worthless._

_Standing still, Taeyong held his breath as the callous hand striked his cheek, leaving a deep scar. Apparent from the old man’s ring was Taeyong’s dripping blood. If he were someone else, he would’ve been crying already, but he weren’t. And this wasn’t even so different from the other days. It was just the same old routine: his father would come home and would beat the shit out of him for whatever reason he could find._

_And for all those times, Taeyong believed it was his fault. He was useless. Powerless and shameful._

_Taeyong bit the inside of his cheek until the metal taste spread on his tongue, body succumbing to numbness. His brain could barely register the pain brought by the continuous violent hits from the man whom he had thought was his father. Taeyong felt weak until his knees gave up, making him collapse onto the floor._

_“You’re really worthless! Would’ve been better if your mother just aborted you! Are you not ashamed? Are you not fucking ashamed?!”_

_Taeyong couldn’t respond. He didn’t mind the punches. Especially not when his brother came in, crying and yelling for their father to stop. The younger tried to shield Taeyong away with his body, but he still was way too small to outpower the vicious and unsightly man._

_“Mark, get out of here!” Taeyong cried out, his hands deliberately pushing for the other to go._

_But Mark wouldn’t budge, his arms were around Taeyong’s head, his tears endlessly dropping onto his cheeks down to his chin. He held onto Taeyong tight, and it was the only thing that forced Taeyong to hold onto his life. Be wanted to give up, to lay there unmoving and breathless, but Mark needed him. Under his brother’s touch was where he felt so vulnerable._

_‘This kid—goodness, my brother is way too young to witness this,’ he thought, and he felt sorry._

_He wanted to apologize to the younger so bad. Sorry for having him see this. Sorry for being a useless brother. Sorry for making him cry. Sorry for not being able to fight. Sorry for being weak. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry._

_But his apologies were cut off when the old man took off his belt and wrapped the end around his hand. Taeyong’s eyes widened; he knew what was about to happen. Mark needed to get out, or he’d be hurt as well._

_Taeyong turned to cover Mark’s body._

_He screamed as the leather hit his skin._

•••

Taeyong, unlike before, wakes up to his own screams piercing his ears. His body trembles, and his heart has never pounded so hard before. He reaches to the other side of the bed, looking for some comfort—some place where he can feel safe, but he’s welcomed by nothing but the cold emptiness.

Taeyong sits down with his back against the headboard. He should get his shit together, but he can’t. It is as if he’s back there again. The screams are real. The pain still stings. And then Mark… His brother, he’s there. Still there. Yet Taeyong can no longer feel the way his brother hugs him. The way his brother’s soft touches could comfort him when Taeyong feels like the world is too heavy against his shoulder. 

_Jaehyun._

But something stops Taeyong from dialing his husband’s phone. As much as he wants to hear Jaehyun’s voice, Taeyong can’t seem to find the strength to talk to him. 

And so Taeyong finds himself calling someone else. He closes his eyes as he realizes… that he has already accepted the idea Jaehyun has no longer any time for him.

“Lee Taeyong, open the door!” 

Ten repeatedly pounds against the wooden door, his knuckles turning into enraged scarlet. An hour has passed already, but Taeyong hasn’t opened the door, yet; and Ten’s perturbation can almost be sensed from a mile away. He feels restless, his mind wandering into the vast horizon of worry. Ten is certain that he couldn’t leave Taeyong alone. Especially not right after Taeyong just calls him crying then ends the call without saying anything. As much as possible, Ten tries to push the pessimistic thoughts away, hoping that Taeyong isn’t in trouble, and more, wouldn’t do something reckless. 

Ten’s about to knock again when the door finally opens, unveiling Taeyong has had just gotten out of shower. Ten sighs in relief after seeing the older freshened up and without any sign of harm.

_Had I been overthinking…_

“Tennie, you’re here,” Taeyong, as if it isn’t obvious enough, says. 

Ten cups Taeyong’s cheek, his eyes seeking the other’s. The redness of Taeyong’s eyes hasn’t gone unnoticed, which again stirs the worry inside Ten. Taeyong’s hand glides up on the latter, his thumb caressing his opaque skin. He reveals a smile to assure him, but the grim expression of his eyes says otherwise. 

Ten can’t just ignore how the delicate man seems to turn even flimsier. 

“I told you, I’m always here,” he whispers.

Instinctively, Ten pulls Taeyong, gently embracing the other’s tiny frame. By then, he can feel the sudden wetness of his blouse, and the continuous shudder of Taeyong’s shoulder just gives everything away. 

Ten’s chest becomes heavier the more tears Taeyong sheds.

•••

The unlocking of the doorknob shifts Ten’s focus from Taeyong’s sleeping face to the wall clock that’s suspended just above the TV. It’s already 7 pm, and he has forgotten that Jaehyun usually ends his office around 6. He ruffles his hair in frustration, before silently lifting Taeyong’s head from his lap onto the pillow. Taeyong stirs, but his eyes remained closed. 

“What are you doing here?” The baritone voice of the other male echoes.

Ten turns to face the man, a smirk playing on his lips. 

“I don’t know, maybe doing what a husband should be doing?” 

And right there and then, Jaehyun’s hands wrap around Ten’s collars. The atmosphere around them intensifies—the clock stops ticking, the voices from the TV become muffled, and everything turns silent, as if even the lifeless are waiting for what’s to happen. 

“And _why the fuck_ would you?!” 

Jaehyun’s fists tightens, the only thing he can think about at that moment is Ten’s neck in his hands.

“Because it looks like _you don’t fucking know how to._ ”

Ten strikes Jaehyun’s hands away from him before fixing his blouse. Unlike Jaehyun, Ten tries to keep his composure. 

Ten loves Taeyong, and no matter how much of a damn bastatd Jaehyun is, Ten still has some dignity to respect Taeyong’s love. 

_Or at least, I had some dignity to not fight in front of Taeyong and just hurt him even more._

“How about you get the fuck out of my house?” Jaehyun growls. 

Ten snickers, disbelief written all over his face. “As if I’d leave Taeyong behind.”

Jaehyun towers over Ten, but the latter isn’t even a bit intimidated. Ten owns a black belt in both Taekwondo and Judo; even though their physics do not match, Ten won’t mind taking the other other swiftly. 

“He’s mine.”

“And what if I take him away from you?”

This time, Jaehyun scoffs. “You? Take Taeyong away from me? Do you think you can win?”

But even before Ten can respond, Taeyong’s words cut them short.

“Why? Am I just something that you can fight over? And then what happens after? Do I become just a trophy?” 

Both of the heated males turn to Taeyong, and both can’t help but to be aware of the glint underneath his orbs. Taeyong shuts his eyes, restraining himself from snapping.

“Ten, I’m sorry, but please go home.”

Ten can do nothing but grant his love’s wish.


End file.
